Well, here we are again, talking about Men Behaving Badly.
I first wrote about Men Behaving Badly: It’s Bad for Business back in 2015. I hoped then that the foul mixture of misogyny, discrimination and violence in our society would improve. I wrote Men Behaving Badly: Here We Go Again in 2020 when nothing much had changed. In fact, things seemed to be getting worse.
Now here we are six years later and men are not just behaving badly but getting worse. The rights of women in America depend on what state we are in. The positions of authority for women in America are shrinking every day. The status of women in America is sliding farther downhill. And picking up speed.
The DEI Dismantling
The acceleration happened, of course, because the Misogynist in Chief made a whole government policy about getting rid of DEI. He, his Cabinet Secretaries, and the wicked teenagers of DOGE slashed budgets, departments, programs, grants, and policies that had any hint of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. All it took, really, was having the word DEI in a proposal or budget request for the axe to fall.
And it fell on women everywhere.
There were egregious actions like Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth refusing to promote candidates for General who were Black or female. There were small, unseen offenses like striking any words related to DEI from grant proposals, prospectuses, reports, hiring plans, etc. Even websites got scrubbed. After all, why include words that will only disqualify you?
But this movement resulted in pushing women down, shoving us to the bottom of the line, and hiding us in the shadows. Just when we had started making gains, the rapist in the White House cut us off.
Rape Culture
Gisele Pelicot answers reporters’ questions (AP Photo)
Two words that should never be put together made headlines. It started with the Giselle Pelicot case in France, where her husband was convicted of drugging his wife, raping her, videotaping her, and posting the videos online. Not content with that, he prostituted her online and invited other men to do the same. He and many of them were convicted.
Now it turns out that here in America there is a Rape Academy where twisted men teach other men how to do the same things to their wives, partners, and girlfriends, then prostitute them via video clips.
I’m not talking about just a few: there were 62 million viewings of such tapes showing exactly that in just April. That increased to 80 million in April.
Rape is not culture, even if it’s called a rape academy. Neither is rape about sex. Rape is a method of controlling, denigrating, humiliating, and dominating women. At its core, rape is a way of preventing women from competing with men who know in their hearts that they don’t measure up.
Congressional Offenses
Once again Congressional sex abuse raises its ugly head. We have had two Members of the House resign within the last month after accusations of sexual assault. And a bill that would have revealed the offenders in Congress was voted down.
Men are very good at protecting other men. Protecting the system. And preventing women from having any power, even the power to obtain justice. Word out of Washington is that the abuse is often an “open secret.” Everyone knows but no one speaks up. Only in private will people warn not to send interns to Eric Swalwell’s office, or Matt Gaetz’s office. Or whoever is the next offender to get outed.
And if you think Regina Santos-Alvirez, who was forced into a sexual relationship by her boss, Rep. Tony Gonzalez, really burned herself to death, you’re deluding yourself. Women do not burn themselves alive. Even courageous Joan of Arc recanted to avoid being burned at the stake. The English promised her life in prison, then burned her anyway.
Porn as Sex Education
The pervasive internet has changed the dynamic of male puberty from hiding Playboy or Penthouse under the mattress to spending hours watching online porn. These days, pornography leans ever more toward kinky or deviant sexual acts, including BDSM and rape.
Boys come away thinking this kind of sex is A) normal; B) preferable; and C) what girls want. In relationships they either insist, cajole or force girls to perform the kinds of sex acts shown on porn sites. Girls definitely do not want this. Forcing them to perform such acts can be emotionally or physically damaging. Resisting can be dangerous. Boys punish resistance, especially as they get bigger and stronger and unconcerned about consequences.
Women and the Bear
Is it any wonder, we ask, that women prefer the bear? If you have not heard about this simple test, read this:
You are walking down a trail in the woods. You see something coming toward you on the trail. It is either (A) a strange man or (B) a bear. Which would you prefer—random man or random bear?
Women overwhelmingly prefer the bear, largely because of the greater threat from male violence, particularly sexual violence. Bears, after all, kill only when they’re hungry or threatened.
Men don’t understand this. Instead of recognizing that women see men as more dangerous, they mansplain us on how dangerous bears are. We know that! But they clearly don’t understand how dangerous men are. We do.
Not All Men
We know it’s not all men. But the problem is that we don’t know which men are safe and which are not. Therefore, we have to act as if any man we encounter could be unsafe.
For an example, watch the first 20 minutes of the new movie Apex on Netflix. (You can skip the first part where she and her husband are free-climbing the Trollheim.) The protagonist, Sasha (Charlize Theron), is in a store buying supplies for her kayaking trip. Three men start to harass her. They make personal, unwelcome and unwanted comments. One walks behind her and intentionally brushes her butt. He smirks as he does it.
All she wants to do is stock up her supplies. But in the process she has to deal with men who think it’s just good fun to harass a pretty woman. If you found this scene unrealistic, you are not a woman.
Who’s the “good guy” who tells them to back off? Well, that would be a spoiler alert. My point is that she doesn’t know which of these men is safe, if any. That’s why she carries a can of bear spray the size of the Washington Monument.
Accountability for Men Behaving Badly
Nothing I or any woman can say will change this insidious “culture” of men behaving badly and thinking it’s okay. We need responsibility, accountability, and a willingness for the good guys to stand up to the abusers. Not until sites like the Rape Academy are taken down and their owners prosecuted will things start to change. Not until we have a President who throws out rape promoters like Andrew and Tristan Tate instead of protecting them will men start to think twice about what they say and do.
Most importantly, we need a President who has not been adjudicated of rape, and accused of abuse by 27 women. A President who has not flown multiple times on the Lolita Express to Epstein’s rape island and delighted in the “secrets” shared there. A President who doesn’t make it okay to grab women, ogle teenage girls in a dressing room, kiss strange women, and laugh about it.
That’s the culture we need to change. And the sooner, the better.
